My Immortal: Confessions of a preppy Gryffindor
by toldyouamilliontimes
Summary: I have recently read the infamous My Immortal, and it got me thinking about how other students would view the adventures of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. This is what I thought of! I hope you like it!


Ebony Way. What can I say about Ebony Way? (Or Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way as she so characteristically calls herself.) To be quite honest I feel quite sorry for her most of the time, but like most of the other students at Hogwarts, I do find her stories completely hilarious.

No one really knows about Ebony's past, because as soon as she came to Hogwarts she started to claim that her parents were vampires, which no one ever believed. Everyone in the magical world, and even the muggle world knows that vampires have sharp fangs, which is a characteristic that Ebony lacks. A muggle-born friend of mine told me that there was a silly little muggle book that talks about vampires without fangs, and she probably got the idea from there.

On their first day, it is obvious to all first years that Ebony Way is a person who they should stay away from. Most of the time she parades around the castle in leathery muggle clothing which makes passers by cringe, and claims that everyone should by their clothes from a muggle shop called 'Hot Topic' which none of us have ever heard of. I think Dumbledore tried to talk her into actually wearing school robes once, but I'm not sure she understood what he was saying, because her response was "NO ONE F**KING UNDERSTANDS ME. WHY DID SATAN MAKE ME SO BEAUTIFUL?"

Ebony never really excelled in school work. She struggles to even spell her own name correctly and she hardly ever attends lessons- apart from the time she burst into a potions class just as Professor Snape was explaining the properties of gillyweed and claimed that she'd had sex with Draco Malfoy but Draco was really in love with Harry Potter. Professor Snape quickly hurried her out of the room, and as soon as he did the whole class burst into laughter.

That brings me onto the wider subject of what Ebony likes to make up about people. Draco and Harry are the two obvious ones. I've heard that Draco avoids her like the plague but she continues to stalk him. I asked him about it one day (mutual hatred for Ebony is the only thing that bonds all four houses, especially Gryffindor and Slytherin) and he told me about it. "She keeps on inviting me to imaginary concerts of muggle bands in Hogsmeade." he said. "I mean, who the hell are Good Charlotte? Seriously!"

And then there's Harry. Harry Potter has always been a nice guy, but nothing frustrates him more than Ebony Way. One time at breakfast he accidentally bumped into her and spilt 'blood' all over her (don't kid yourself Ebony, we all know you cover your cereal with cranberry juice) and ever since she's had a weird obsession with him. A few weeks ago I passed him in the corridor while he was talking to her, his face slowly getting redder and redder as he screamed at her "MERLIN'S BEARD. FOR THE LAST TIME MY NAME IS NOT VAMPIRE."

Even Neville Longbottom hasn't been spared from the strange array of characters that exist in Ebony's mind. She has taken to calling him Dracula, says he was kidnapped at birth and believes he's a vampire. It's obvious to everyone else that Neville would make a terrible vampire, as he faints at even the slightest sight of blood. How she believes he drinks it is completely beyond me. Neville now spends most of his time in the greenhouses, a place where it is safe to say Ebony will never be. Unless that's where she gets her drugs from...

But by far, the person she traumatises the most must be Hermione Granger. One day I found her sat in a distant corner of the library crying to herself, and I asked her what was wrong. "My name is NOT B'loody Mary Smith!" she snapped. "I was not kidnapped at birth, and no, I do not have nightmares about my vampire mother being killed by Voldemort and my father committing suicide, and I am DEFFINATELY. NOT. A SATANIST."

One of the funniest things I find about Ebony, no, THE funniest thing I find about Ebony, is she pretends that SHE is the only one who is able to defeat Voldemort. As one of the Weasley twins said as we discussed it while sat around the fire in the common room one night, "There is more chance of Voldemort turning up to the concert of a muggle band in Hogsmeade that Ebony being the chosen one." That made us all laugh.

Like I said, I do partly feel sorry for her. I'm pretty sure she smokes so many drugs that she's responsible for global warming, and most of the time she has no idea what's going on in the real world. But to be honest, if I tried to make her look in a mirror and ACTUALLY realise how stupid she appears to the rest of us, she's probably just call me a prep and stick her middle fingers up at me.


End file.
